They All Died in July
Welcome to the July edition of the News in Review poetry series. Once again, a lot happens in a month, and so there was far more to include than I had space to fit in this piece. (Many may argue that I still put too much in…) But I have tried to include a balance of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the fun. The biggest story of the month was the death of Ozzie Osborne, but there were many other prominent deaths this July too. I list a few of them in this piece, but there was more than just heartbreak in July.
I will add a disclaimer that this piece was written by me; a British poet, and as such will be recording and commenting from news in a British perspective, which might mean some events you consider important from July 2025 are not included, and some things you have never heard of are more extensively covered.
A Great Man Died
A great man died this month
A great man died
And the world cried
The world mourned
The loss
Of Hulk Hogan….. *Checks notes*
Wait, no… that’s the next verse.
Bare with me…
This is why you should rehearse..
The real man who we all morn
Is of course Ozzy Ozborn
The forge in which metal was born
Not that other prick
Who can quite frankly stick
His leg drop up his arse and spin,
The MAGA dick
Head…
Not to speak ill of the dead….
But I’d prefer to talk
About people who should be remembered.
Like Joey jones,
Who did us proud,
His country and his town
Or Allan Ahlberg,
The man behind
A childhood
Of fun and rhyme
We lost a legend from pok-
emon, Professor Oak,
And James from team rocket
(they were both the same bloke)
The keyboardist from Spinal Tap,
Michael Madsen – He played the dad
In Free Willy…
And of course,
Diego Jota
Who left well before he ought to
A slew of losses scattered through July
Felix Baumgartener, remember that guy
Who skydived from space in 2012….
………
………
Paragliding accident……….
….
Yeah……
Bit of a step down from the stratosphere
Oh and of course….
Goodbye to
Gregg Wallace’s career.
Then there’s war, who wiill will always rage
Never letting death get in his way
As missiles rain on Ukraine
And Gaza
Peace talks stall
As soldiers fall
Intervention doing nothing at all
Trump’s tariffs firmly put the ball
In court of Russia
With very little pressure.
Israel keep piling bombs
Into Gaza….
And Syria….
Now Thailand have beef with Cambodia
Oh wait….. That’s settled…..
Or is it…
France agree to recognize
A sovereign state of Palestine
A plan which Britain did decline
When asked if they would join,
But now that France has made it clear
The course that they intend to steer
The UK jumped on board
And so did Canada
Who were then almost instantly handed a
Brand new set of tariffs – reprimanding them
For making Donald throw his dummy out the pram again…
Honestly…. Their lucky he didn’t sue…
That’s what he would usually do…
As Rupert Murdoch found out
To the tune of a birthday card
That POTUS drew….
To You know who
And you do know who…
Don’t you?
The big story this month
The man with the list
More talked about
Than Schindler’s….
And probably longer….
Trump.
Had a hell of a month.
Starting with a big, beautiful bill
Which turned into a big, beautiful bonfire
After a witch hunt on the Epstein files
A ledger
That could root out every pedophile
Who dared use privilege to defile
A tricked or kidnapped Juvenile
On a secret ‘paradise’ isle
And bring them to justice…
Wouldn’t that be bliss…
Unfortunately, justice is delayed……
In its place is just ICE
And kidnapping
Is backed by the state….
Regime….
How long till he’s forced to come clean?
South Park leapt in to make him a laughingstock
He couldn’t take the heat, fled to scot-
Land, where the greetings couldn’t be warmer
For the Cheeto-faced, Ferret wearing, Shitgibbon……
Yeah… the Scots love him….
Or so he thinks…
Clearly he canne understand the accent…
Fucktrumpet…..
Drout expands across the land
And everywhere there’s hosepipe bans
The far right gains big in Japan
Reform’s expecting similar.
The western world cuts foreign aid
Taipei prepares for China to invade
Texas floods, The coral reefs fade
As climate laws move backwards.
Doctors strike, wanting pay reviews
Binmen strike, same excuse
(Though if you’re in Birmingham, that’s not new news)
And Clarkson’s farm from the T.V.
Has caught T.B…..
Probably sabotage by the B.B.C.
T.V. license money has to go somewhere…
July has been quite the affair…
And it doesn’t stop there….
because there was some good news…
For the English at least….
Euro 2025
The lionesses, filled with pride
Beat France, and Spain
To claim the title once again.
And were joined in celebration
By the duo from Wimbledon
Cash and Glasspool raise the trophy
89 years on
From the last British pair who won
In 1936
Oh that French race happened with all them cyclists…
And Forest green revealed a vegan kit….
Which would be progress,
If it didn’t look so shit…
North Korea opened Wonsan Kalma
a holiday resort full of charm to
draw in foreign tourists
Then banned foreign tourists….
A woman was arrested in Thailand
For sleeping with a dozen monks and
Blackmailing them with their purity…
The Dali Lama’s accused China of blasphemy
For suggesting they would decide which body he
Would be reincarnated into… (That’s his job)
Hermione got a ban from driving
Oasis returned and are clearly thriving
And everybody’s seen the kiss cam from Coldplay….
They should have been more careful.
Or better still, not cheated in the first place.
Now everyone has seen your face….
And your face…
And your face…
And your face…
And your face…
And unless you never want to see the internet again…
Or like me you download a VPN
There’s a reason they’re topping UK charts…
Facial recognition is only the start….
The world is about to get very dark
Which is ironic,
Considering we lost the iconic
Prince of darkness
At least he had one heck of a goodbye
TO OZZY!
May his music never die.
Did I do July Justice?
Was there anything that you missed? Was there anything I missed and you think should have really been in there? Feel free to ask, share your thoughts, or reminisce with your comments.
Thank you for reading July 2025 – The News in Review. As with all poetry on my website, this piece is free to enjoy, however if you would like to thank me. Or want help make sure I can continue to write these news reviews. Please head over to my Ko-Fi. There you will be able to support me if you wish, either as a one off, or monthly. As well as purchase more of my poetry which is unavailable on this website.
And Of course, check back next month to read August’s Review. See if you can guess what it might contain.