Welcome to the news in Review!

Every month, I write a poetic review of everything that has happend in the month. This is my review of March 2026. (Well… not quite everything… I actually barely scratch the surface, otherwise I’d never have time to write it, and you’d certainly never have time to read it…. but, most of the important stuff.)

I will post these (hopefully) on the fourth of each month, and hope to be able to include videos at some point in the future.

March 2026 might be the first one of these I am posting, but it is not the first I have written. You might see me back fill the previous pieces from this, and last year as time goes on…

I will warn you, this poetry is rather long…
And all written from a British perspective (Since of course I am Welsh.)

If anyone ever sees me at an open mic, these pieces are probably what I’d choose to read, I read March at the Wrexham Voice Box event in April. (Which I regularly attend.)

Oil and War

(March 2026 – The News in Review)

It started with the guns of war… 
Or now I guess it’s really more 
Missiles, and they were falling 
On the Middle East.
The US sent some to Iran 
Who then attacked Azerbaijan, 
Kwaite, Qatar, Iraq, Oman, 
The UAE, Bahrain, Jordan, 
Turkey, Cyprus, Syria and 
Saudi Arabia. 
Not to mention all of the 
US and British navy there, 
As well as Israel.
Then took all the world’s oil 
And held it hostage 
To drive up the cost in 
The strait of Hormuz, 
But the US refused  
to back down 
So we’ll all drown 
In fuel inflation. 

Starmer let down the nation 
Through capitulation 
As he proved he has no spine, 
Slowly folding every time 
Trump asked. 
Always managing to last 
Just long enough to piss the bastard 
Off though. 
He let the US Army know 
We wouldn’t join in, 
But if it would help them win 
Then they could begin 
Their strikes from our bases, 
Which just turned them into places 
Iran would target. 
As if the damaged oil markets 
wasn’t price enough. 

Miliband has a tough 
Decision, fueled by derision 
From the cost of fuel. 
Bardenoch thinks he’s a fool  
For not allowing new 
Drilling in the north Sea, 
But I can’t see 
How that would be 
Beneficial to anybody 
Except for oil barons 
And politicians funded by them. 

Great news though for KGM 
(Not the cars, the teen victim 
Of social media addiction.) 
Whose court case won three million 
Each from google and meta, 
And you can bet they’re gonna get a 
Lot more cases like it. 

Farage has proved himself unfit 
For government, the racist tit 
Campaingned on cutting council tax 
then raised the levels to the max 
And claimed he never said he’d axe 
The rates, despite the great amount of proof. 

Did I mention, the price of oil is through the roof, 
And the financially aloof 
In the U.S. have spoofed 
Conservation law 
So it can be drilled for 
Even if Endangered species fall. 

Trump is going to kill us all 
As peace talks stall, 
Athough Iran can not recall  
them happening at all. 
Perhaps he was just muttering 
Pretend negotiations 
To imaginary friends. 
The marmalade man suspends 
Russian sanctions, 
And insists the war will end… 
Soon… 
But in the meantime, protests loom 
And no Kings Day comes back. 

The F.B.I. were under attack; 
Sort of, as Iranians hacked 
Director Kash Patel, who’s under flack 
For his lack 
In secureity, 
Well of course he would be 
After all the country’s safety 
sit’s in his inobservant hands. 

Trump gives a deadline to Iran, 
48 hours to meet his demands 
With a new barrage of missiles planned 
If they refuse 
To open the Strait of Hormuz. 
The Iranians choose to igonre, 
So Trump decides to withdraw his threat… 
And yet, still thinks it will work again later. 
In the meantime, he’ll casually drop Pearl harbour 
On the Prime Minister 
Of Japan, 
And make sure his blockade still stands 
In Cuba.
What a lovely man… 

The Olympic committee bans 
Trans women from compeating 
(As Women) 
In future Olympics. 
The patent ends on Ozempic. 
And BTS begins its  
Come back Tour. 
Palistine action’s un outlawed, 
And Keir Stamer’s getting bored 
Of doctor’s strikes, 
Tells them to take a hike 
Or lose whatever progress has been made. 

Timothy Chalamet 
Annoys fans of ballet 
Saying it’s dead, 
And Farage loses his head 
About losing Churchill’s head 
From the fiver 
Whilst Aldi strives to 
Put Cuthbert the catterpillar 
In his palce 
As the face 
Of the currency. 

Trump steps up his Tyrrany 
By also changing their money 
So every note will now be signed by him. 
Just an egotistical whim? 
Or will he try to spin 
It so now every note is his? 

The Tories got in a tizz 
About mass Islamic prayer 
In Trafalgar square, 
Condemning its presence there 
As an act of religious domination 
But I bet they say nothing  
About the Easter celebrations. 

New U.S. vaccine regulations 
Are overturned 
As judges spurn 
Kennedy’s idiocracy. 
Russia bans a documentary 
Filmed in Russia 
By a Russian 
About Russia 
As it wins an oscar 
For exposing Putin’s Autocracy. 
We also had the first tie in Oscars history! 

We saw the death of the NCP, 
And Scott Mills’s BBC Career. 
Kirsti Noem has disappeared (Sort of) 
And the Royal Iris has retired 
From the Mersey. 
We lost Xander Harris from Buffy,  
And Chuck Norris, although he 
Didn’t so much die, as finish 
This game of life.

The tech world has seen more strife 
With piles of jobs under the knife 
As A.I. makes companies rife for downsizing. 
Open A.I.’s thrown the towel in 
On Sora, its video making branch, 
Claiming that it’s no longer financially viable. 
A.I. toys are proven unreliable, 
As studies show that they’re 
Harming the mental welfare 
Of Children. 
Grok’s in court again 
Sued for a porn offence 
By teenagers. 
Meta bribes You Tubers 
To move to facebook, 
And the government take a new look 
At A.I. legislation 
After cries of frustration 
From creatives across the nation. 

The UN makes a designation 
That Trans-Atlantic slavery 
Was the worst crime on Humanity 
Throughout all of history. 
The new Archbishop of Canterbury 
Dame Sarah Mullally 
Is installed, she 
Is the first woman to hold 
The position. 
There’s a greyhound racing prohibition  
In Wales, 
And the white house ballroom fails 
When blocked by the courts.

The NHS ignore reports 
Of Meningitis in Kent 
Till it’s too late, then repent 
As its mistake meant 
Two people died. 

Labour have pissed off Unite 
One time too many, 
And now they won’t send any 
Donations to the party. 
Welsh reform sent a Nazi 
To stand for the Senedd. 
The EU are blackmailing Kiev, 
According to Zelensky. 
Farage has proved he 
Will do anything for money 
As he throws away every 
Vote in Wales for 50 Pounds. 

A Chinese man is found 
Trying to smuggle ants out of Kenya. 
White Rhinos are back in Uganda, 
And a British fox somehow planed a 
Getaway to New York city. 
Unfortunately 
He didn’t have a passport 
So wound up behind bars 
In Central zoo. 
But, by far my favourite piece of news 
This month has to be 
The golden statue of Trump’s toilet 
That was erected in Washington DC! 

March, But Not As You Know It?

How much of March did you recognize? Was there anything that you missed? Feel free to ask, share your thoughts, or reminisce with your comments.

Thank you for reading March 2026 – The News in Review. As with all poetry on my website, this piece is free to enjoy, however if you would like to thank me. Or want help make sure I can continue to write these news reviews. Please head over to my Ko-Fi. There you will be able to support me if you wish, either as a one off, or monthly. As well as purchase more of my poetry which is unavailiable on this website.

And Of course, check back next month to read April’s Review. See if you can guess what it might contain.